The Manager Is The Manager- Not Your Friend

At my first job right out of graduate school working the language industry the first day of my job I waltzed into the office wearing a pink bag completely dressed in green. This could be construed as a fashion faux-pas, but, that was not the biggest mistake that was made, I had essentially outed myself to the entire office on the first day. This was compounded with the fact that my jovial disposition and tremendous size made me susceptible to all of the stereotypes that not only come with being the fat jovial person, but with being 'the gay guy.'

When I was point blank asked if I was a homosexual, of course I answered in the affirmative, because my thought process did not take into account the entitlements that my co-workers had regarding the way they could treat me and the way they could act toward me.

At first I was completely happy with the way that things were going. It seemed that I was being accepted into the working culture of the company and that I was respected despite my sexual orientation. But, as it goes, paradise cannot thrive in imperfection and eventually it became paradise lost.

The problem started when I noticed that my manager would treat me differently and a bit too familiar in our business dealings. Having moved from the South to the North, I was quite desperate for acquaintances and friends, so I most certainly did spend time with my colleagues outside of work. It had gotten to a point where my friendship with my manager was having a negative impact on our work relationship.

Gradually, my boss gave me more and more work and was giving me last minute tasks because the though process was that I had more time to devote to the company due to the fact that I was gay, had no family with no chance of having one, and I was single. The situation got worse for me as my boss would use our friendship outside of work as a bargaining tool at work.

It eventually worked out. I very politely informed my superior that I felt I was no longer needed in my current position and that my time there had come to an end. The fact of the matter was that I loved my job, but the amount of extra duties I had to perform, and the amount of extra time I had to spend in the cubical farm was nothing provided a healthy work/ life balance.

I took away from this experience a few truths in how I would conduct myself in future places of employment.

1) Keep it basic.
Do not let your boss in on you personal life. It is none of their business and it could potentially cause strain and unhappiness at work.

2) People at work are acquaintances keep them separate from your friends.
While it is possible to have friends at work, building up trust takes years, not months. Remember that you are at work not in school or at the bar. Your biggest concern in yourself and your work.

3) Doing extra work in a dead end job gets you nowhere.
At the time I added up all of the extra hours I worked and did not not receive compensation for (because I was on salary). Over the year I worked 900 hours of over time, minus taxes this came to a net loss of almost 10K in pay. It was not worth it.

And to sum it all up, by the time you start to work, you will have made the closest friends you are going to make, and even if you do make another good friend in your new situation, it will not be your manager at work. It is important to remember, the manager's biggest concern is for the company and their promotion throughout, not you and not a friendship with you.